Scorecard

Keeping Up with The Stoneses

With the help of David Letterman, Jeff Gillooly's name has turned into an easy laugh line. Thus it came as little surprise that the ex-husband of skater Tonya Harding is petitioning Multnomah County (Ore.) circuit court to have his notorious but euphonious surname changed to Stone. But with which Jeff Stone does Gillooly—who'll be released on March 13 from the boot camp program to which he was sentenced for conspiring to attack Nancy Kerrigan—most identify?

Would it be Jeff Stone the endearingly goofy innocent played by Paul Petersen on The Donna Reed Show? Gillooly could do worse: The character of Jeff Stone was, a reviewer for the Boston Phoenix once wrote, "a shamelessly forceful display of American minors performing unnatural acts of decency."

Would it be Jeff Stone the 39-year-old pharmacist who doubles as mayor of Temecula, Calif.? That Jeff Stone, informed of Gillooly's plans, waxed indignant, threatening legal action to block Gillooly's petition. "Here's a guy who's a known felon," says the mayoral Stone, who admits to higher political ambitions. "He shouldn't be able to hide behind someone else's name."

Or would it be Jeff Stone the slightly unstrung former major league outfielder who's back in the Philadelphia Phillie camp as a replacement player? He's the only guy we know of who, when asked if he would like a shrimp cocktail before dinner, said, "No, thanks, I don't drink"; and who, when asked whether he would be bringing his TV back from Venezuela after a season of winter ball, replied, "Why would I do that? It only gets Spanish stations."

It occurs to us that Stone, n� Gillooly, will need to find work when he gets out. Replacement players like baseball's Stone—"If he was going to change his name," the fill-in Phillie says, "he should've changed his face too, because people are going to recognize him"—could use a hitting instructor with credentials.