Ironhead Gets Down

No, right now he is hiding behind nothing but his undies, and strength coach Tim Jorgensen is asking him to step up on the giant fruit and vegetable scale, with 10,000 potatoes at stake. The needle, that little tease, settles on 251, now 249, now 250, now 249½, and stays there.

"Ladieeeeeees and gentlemen!" Head howls. "Weighing in at 249½ pounds, the new heavyweight champion of the world! Gimme my money!"

Head's personal reclamation project isn't done yet. Jones says Head would be "devastating at 240." Charlotte says he could spend a whole lot more time with the kids. And there are days when the BMW does end up at Dunkin' Donuts.

But he could start for any team Jenny Craig ever puts together. Later that day, at the golf course, Head looks up from his shot as though he has just discovered a shank vaccine. "Heyyy!" he says, grinning and pulling on a piece of leather that is miles too big for him. "I need a new belt!"

Head looks like a man who would very much like to cry.