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TELL LAURA I LOVE HER
Austin Murphy
December 11, 1995
That's what the author said as he checked out on his wife for a five-day binge of sports viewing on DirecTV
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December 11, 1995

Tell Laura I Love Her

That's what the author said as he checked out on his wife for a five-day binge of sports viewing on DirecTV

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In the pregame Sharks Report, Constantine is given his due as "the winningest coach in Shark history." The thinking seems to be, Why embarrass the man by pointing out that he is also the second coach in Shark history?

During the first intermission of Friday night's Shark game, former Shark Gaetan (Duke) Duchesne told his interviewer, Chris Collins, what it was like to be out of hockey.

"I'm home every day, so I'm driving my wife crazy," he said. "It's a big adjustment."

Tell me about it, Duke.

I would like to see how the Shark game turns out, but let's face it, they're going nowhere this year, and I've got a big day tomorrow. I need to rest my right thumb.

Sunday

More than any other sport, football, with its frequent stoppages, lends itself to channel surfing. Turnover? Timeout? Incomplete pass? Hit the road, Jack. Move on down the line. You're paying too much to watch commercials, unless they're very funny. (Bud Light's "I love you, man" man no longer qualifies.)

Midway through the second quarter of Sunday's early games, I find myself in a kind of channel-surfing zone: I click over to a fresh game just in time for the big play. No sooner have I alighted on channel 338 than Warren Moon hits Cris Carter with a touchdown pass that puts the Minnesota Vikings up 21-7 over the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Shortly thereafter, on channel 337, I bear witness as New Orleans Saint quarterback Jim Everett throws an interception against the New England Patriots and, astonishingly—this is a guy with a reputation for being a bit effete—gets in a fight with a Patriot defensive tackle on the return. The Saints end up winning, and Everett's teammates probably look at him a little differently after the game.

On channel 340 I see Green Bay Packer quarterback Brett Favre throw the 100th touchdown pass of his career. I descend to channel 339 just in time to see D'Marco Farr, a St. Louis Ram defensive lineman, deposit New York Jet quarterback Boomer Esiason on his bum. It is Farr's third solo sack of the day. I'm on fire.

What is it that coaches say? It's a 60-minute game. Overconfident during the six late games, I never quite catch up to the action. The Seattle Seahawks go up 14-0 on the Philadelphia Eagles while I'm out loading the dishwasher. I'm checking out the Raiders-Chiefs when the Denver Broncos' John Elway rolls to his right and wedges a 45-yard touchdown bomb between two Jacksonville Jaguar defenders and into the arms of Mike Pritchard. I am watching the Washington Redskins run out the clock on Dallas when Oakland backup quarterback Billy Joe Hobert brings the Raiders back from the dead.

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