"He was a bold man that first eat an oyster," wrote English satirist Jonathan Swift, and that goes double for the first man to eat Rocky Mountain oysters, the indelicate delicacy dispensed at Coors Field in Denver. Also euphemized as "swingin' steaks," RMOs are in fact filleted, breaded and deep-fried bull testicles. Now, turn your head and cough up $5.50.
Patrons bold enough to do so are served, on a bed of curly fries, four three-inch-wide by five-inch-long strips that look like chicken fingers, golden brown and flattened for aesthetic reasons. "If a guy sees it's round," explains Seth Ward, a cofounder of Rocky's Mountain Oysters, the company that supplies Coors Field, "he's going to cringe."
Those not cringing are hinging. The Colorado Rockies sell an average of 210 orders per game, in part because the ingredients are not explicated on the menu board. "You really should tell people what they are," a betrayed customer recently wrote to Tim Lawler of Aramark, the food concessionaire at Coors Field. Says Lawler, "He thought they were oysters from the lakes of Colorado."
Like some seafood, RMOs come with cocktail sauce, the liberal use of which is recommended, for this mystery meat tastes nothing like chicken. In fact, the oysters' flavor defies description. The best one can do is recall that macho blowhard G. Gordon Liddy, who, when asked to describe what rat tasted like, said, "A lot like squirrel."