We Three Kings
The top three Elvis impersonators in Atlanta were:
1) Elvis Konamegui of Cameroon, who lost his first-round bout in featherweight boxing.
2) Elvis Gregory of Cuba, who lost in the third round of the men's individual foil but continued to fight his opponent, defending Olympic champion Philippe Omnes of France, away from the dueling piste. The two eventually were separated by police, who were, you better believe it, duly piste themselves.
3) Yoelvis Quesada of Cuba, who won the bronze medal in the triple jump with a bound of 57'2¾". Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has leapt the building.
The Games' biggest oxymoron was Great Britain, which equaled its worst Olympic performance by winning only a single gold medal, in the men's coxless pairs. Rowing with Matthew Pinsent, Steven Redgrave earned his fourth gold in as many Olympics. Asked afterward how he felt, Redgrave seemed to speak for all his countrymen when he said, live on the BBC, "I'm f——'knackered," which is Brit for beat. Meanwhile, 26 miles across the English Channel, France, with 15 gold medals, quietly celebrated its best Olympics since the Summer Games were held in Paris in 1900.
Average speed at which Donovan Bailey traveled during his world-record-setting 100-meter sprint.
Average speed at which Michael Johnson traveled during his world-record 200.
Speed at which 10-meter platform divers were traveling when entering the water. Point: Sprinters, gold shoes and all, are still slower than gravity.