The Showtime people have thought of this. Wisely, they have put Shaq in the last row before the stands begin sailing upward. Unfortunately the chair is too small for him. He kneels. It is not a great hardship. The fight will last only 14 minutes.
At long last, the most exciting moment in sports is here. That's when the entourages and card girls and anthem singers and fight promoters and cameramen and hype and bluster get out of the ring and leave only three men.
Unfortunately, one of them has a very hungry look in his eye.
9 MINUTES INTO THE FIGHT
Tyson gets a lot done in the third round. He lands one overhand and one straight right, two nice lefts, two bites and one shove; disqualifies himself from the most important fight of his life; swings at a cop who is blocking his way to Holyfield in the crowded ring: destroys any chance he has of getting another shot at the heavyweight championship: and erases any doubt people might have had about exactly what atrocities he is capable of The upside is, his bridgework holds nicely.
5 MINUTES AFTER THE FIGHT
Tyson makes his way out of the arena. Two men in suits who had screamed for him as he entered, who had even held up a homemade sign supporting him as he made his way to the ring, are now screaming bloody murder at him, booing with the thousands of others who are booing. The two fans throw cups of soda at Tyson.
Tyson looks up. He screams at the two men and begins to try to climb the scaffolding to get to them, even though they must be 30 feet up. He gets nowhere, but police are already on their way to the two fans. They tackle the men, cuff and arrest them. A rumor sweeps through the arena that one of the fans is Dallas Cowboys running back Emmitt Smith. He isn't.
20 MINUTES AFTER THE FIGHT
Evander (the Real Meal) Holyfield enters his dressing room, followed shortly by his ear. It arrives in the company of Mitch Libonati, a ring cleaner. He was sure he saw Tyson spit it out in the third round, so when all the brawlers had finally been cleared, he walked to the middle of the canvas and found it, the three-quarter-inch-by-one-quarter-inch tip of what the heavyweight champ once hung his sunglasses on. Libonati wrapped it in a latex glove and took it to the door of Holy-field's dressing room.