Author! Author!

Megaselling novelist Tom Clancy, whose pumped-up paeans to military technology have made him a megamillionaire, last week offered 200 of those millions to buy the Minnesota Vikings. We can't help wondering whether other authors may soon be jumping into the game—and when they do, how the novelizations of their adventures in ownership might read.

STEPHEN KING, Boston Red Sox
Curse of the Bambino suddenly takes a horrific new twist, as Green Monster comes to life and terrorizes Beantown before late autumn cold snap brings it down.

"Chilling, yet believable."—Peter Gammons

DANIELLE STEELE, Los Angeles Lakers

Cleavage-revealing dance-squad captain seduces septuagenarian owner, gains control and runs team into ground before younger cleavage-revealing dancer ousts her in spandex-shredding Rodeo Drive catfight.

"A heartrending page-turner."—Dr. Jerry Buss

JOHN GRISHAM, Tennessee Oilers

Idealistic young QB/law student learns coaches are in cahoots with mob; scrambling, he audiblizes way to Super Bowl, where Oilers lose a heartbreaker; commissioner declares result "utterly devoid of meaning." "Inspiring! Reminds me why I went into football."—Peyton Manning

CHARLES FRAZIER, Charlotte Hornets

An oft-injured veteran, tired of the NBA grind, leaves team and embarks on odyssey to rejoin his fianc�e, eluding team officials along the way before meeting his match in one-on-one shootout with CBA rookie. "One slammin', jammin' hoopsapalooza of a novel. Mad literary hops!"—The Pulitzer Committee