Hey, kids! Next time you're in serious doo-doo, do what big leaguers do: Deny, alibi and justify! It's easy with this handy annotated excuse card! Just cut it out, keep it in your pocket and use it the next time the heat's on you!
I didn't do anything wrong. I was taking allergy medication. I don't think I was inflicting any danger on myself or others on the road. I was feeling fine.... I don't think I failed the tests.
Don't forget, I'm 60 years old. I was sleepy, very sleepy. Plus, I was very dazed by the accident. Besides, how am I supposed to walk a straight line with my recurrent knee injury?
I was harassed by the police, the whole nine yards. The police arrested me to cover up their own negligence. The officer disrespected me in front of my peers.
I didn't do any. It was just the significant amount of time that I spend (around) marijuana users. I did send him information.... That's all I sent.... But there was no drugs in it.
It's all lies.... There was some high jinks going on. Partying. I was told it was a good place to get a deep-tissue massage. Actually, I'm shocked and amazed to be arrested at all in this matter. And these handcuffs are scratching my Rolex.
They were flimsy, anyway. All you had to do was sit on them, and they'd break. Plus, I'm overweight. I put on a lot of weight in the off-season, and it makes me unstable.
This is character assassination...false assumptions, misrepresentations and innuendos. This is the greatest travesty I've ever seen. I've been verbally abused. Even if I did do this, it would have to have been because I loved her very much, right?
Well, that's my story, and I'm stickin' to it.
 Anaheim Mighty Ducks defenseman Dmitri Mironov after swearing at a referee, smashing his stick, nearly hitting an official and getting a game misconduct penalty.