Hey, This Turning 40 Ain't So Bad After All

7:30—Arrive refreshed in Seattle for Bulls-Sonics game. Get seated courtside between Alan Greenspan and Warren Buffett, who exchange insider stock tips.

8:01—Bryant Gumbel canceled.

8:45—Have lucky seat number, swish million-dollar half-court shot, sign 10-day Bulls contract and suit up immediately.

9:57—Make move that twists Gary Payton into Picasso painting, then nail jumper to win game.

10:45—Dinner with Michael Ovitz, who interrupts enjoyment of BBQ wings, chili-cheese fries and Guinness with plan for multimillion-dollar Bic pen endorsement.

11:01—Wipe face on Ovitz's Joseph Abboud suit.

11:05—Meet Charles Barkley for postgame relaxation.

11:06—Barkley graciously allows me to throw first fan through plate-glass window.

1 a.m.—Swimsuit model Heidi Klum begins foot massage in par-5-length limo, suggests strip poker. She's not holding any cards.

2:30—Discover 432 unpublished columns by Damon Runyon in bottom dresser drawer.