Defending The Virtues Of Big Bertha

"Since the Nixon Administration," I answered.

"Exactly! And I'm still a 30! Lemme ask you this: What was the average American's handicap 20 years ago?"

"Sixteen point eight," I responded.

"What's it now?"

"Sixteen six."

"Ding-ding-ding! See, golf is still harder than Form 1040! All that these clubs let me do is hit one good drive a month and maybe make a four-footer once every summer. Is that a felony?"

I explained that the USGA is more worried about extremely long players like Tiger Woods making historic courses like Augusta National obsolete.

"Oh, please! What did Mark O'Meara shoot this year to win the Masters?"

"Two seventy-nine."

"And what did Nicklaus shoot when he won in '86?"