As a three-cart procession approaches the tee, a volunteer yells, "He's a bad mutha."
"Shut your mouth," snaps the celeb in the lead cart. He's none other than Richard Roundtree, the celebrated action hero of Shaft fame. "I go along with this theme song stuff," he says, "as long as the fans aren't laughing at me."
Saturday, 1 p.m. Stallion Mountain. A booth near the 18th tee on the North Course features an Elvis impersonator, a different Elvis from the one who stalked celebrated supermodel Carol Alt on the West Course. "We took care of the Bad Elvis," says a security guard. "We got in his face, and he left the building."
The showgirls who have been posing with golfers as they come through 13 West have their own hazard to contend with: celebrated serial tweaker Robert Goulet. "He kept pinching our butts," claims showgirl number 1.
"I mean, what were we supposed to do," says showgirl number 2. "Slap Robert Goulet?"
Saturday, 2 p.m. Stallion Mountain. Pppppttttt.... Whenever one of the noncelebs in Leslie Nielsen's fivesome tees off or putts or blasts out of the sand, the sound of protracted flatulence issues from Nielsen's hip pocket. "I've got a bad case of gas," deadpans the celebrated funnyman of Naked Gun fame. "Must have been the barbecue sauce I had in the tent on the last hole." Pppppttttt.... "Golf teaches you patience and insensitivity." Pppppttttt.... "You have to learn to be insensitive." Pppppttttt.... "It's an art." Pppppttttt.
Saturday, 7 p.m. MGM Grand. It's not without a certain irony that the Sinatra tribute culminates in a black-tie gala at the MGM Grand. Sinatra was fired by MGM in 1950 after making a crack about the mistress of studio head Louis B. Mayer. The only remaining link between MGM and Sinatra is the Studio Cafe's movie-themed menu. You can order an $18.95 Anchors Aweigh (surf-and-turf kabob) with a $7.95 High Society (turkey-breast club sandwich) on the side. Dessert options include the On the Town cheesecake ($3.25). Add another buck if you like cherry fruit topping.
Alas, for those who feel like Chinese, the cafe doesn't offer The Manchurian Candidate.