The Madness Of King George

I'm not from New York. I don't live in New York. It wouldn't bother me if much of New York was attacked by a sex-crazed giant sloth.

But I love Yankee Stadium.

Yankee Stadium is the single most important place in the history of U.S. sports. No? Name me another stadium that gave America the best college football game (Army 0, Notre Dame 0,1946, starring/our past or future Heisman winners), the best pro football game ('58 NFL championship game, Baltimore Colts 23, New York Giants 17, OT, ushering in the modern era of the NFL), the best single-game major league baseball performance ( Don Larsen's perfect game in the '56 World Series) and the most important prizefight ( Joe Louis's knockout of Hitler's Aryan model, Max Schmeling, in '38).

I could go on and will. Win one for the Gipper. Two popes. Reggie's three. Thirty-five pennants. Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio, Mantle. John Philip Sousa. Grambling football. The Chesterfield sign with the smoke swirling out. The Old Professor. Thurman's locker. Nelson Mandela. Billy Graham. Pel�.

It's not just me. Roger Clemens once scooped up a handful of dirt from the Yankee Stadium mound and took it home. One of the first things Tony Gwynn said after the San Diego Padres qualified for the World Series was, "I get to play in Yankee Stadium!"

Now Curious George wants to kill it.

Don't believe this Shinola that people are writing during this Series about the New George Steinbrenner. A nicer guy. Doesn't meddle. So he listens to Metallica before games with David Wells. So he's run out of pink slips. It's all a setup. This is Eddie Haskell holding the chair out for you.

Never forget this: George Steinbrenner is a card-carrying greed beast. He's being good only because he's saving up for his slimiest deed ever. He wants to put Yankee Stadium on the prestigious list of America's Most Historic Dirt Piles.

You can guess what George says he wants: luxury boxes. George, you're going to end up in a one-man luxury box for all eternity. What's your hurry?

Of course, what George really wants is more money. George needs more money like Manute Bol needs lifts. This is a man who paid $10 million for the Yankees 25 years ago and could now sell them for at least $750 million. George, how much lobster bisque can a man eat?