Scorecard

A cross between Rudy and Adam Sandler's Cajun Boy riffs from Saturday Night Live, the megahit movie Waterboy is the tale of Bobby Boucher (Sandler), the 31-year-old "water distribution engineer" for a Louisiana college football powerhouse. A hopeless mama's boy, Bobby is tormented by the players and eventually fired by badass Coach Beaulieu.

Bobby's life changes when he's hired by another team, one so misbegotten that its players share a single protective cup and the cheerleaders get tanked during games. He channels years of pent-up aggression into violent tackling, and a football terror is born. With Bobby "opening whole cases of whup-ass," the Mud Dogs win the Big Game. (Not to spoil the suspense, but Bobby also gets the girl and gains social acceptance.)

Like every jock-themed movie these days, Waterboy features cameos by sports personalities-Bill Cowher, Jimmy Johnson and Brent Musburger among them—who have the celluloid stiffness of Brett Fav...ruh. Here's your chance to see Lawrence Taylor exhorting a group of children not to smoke crack. Aside from that inadvertent droplet of dry humor, Sandler's Waterboy is the rare sports flick that leaves us parched for the cerebral wit and comic finesse of, say, Happy Gilmore.

Crossover Artist
From Hip-Hop to The Hoop

Master P, a rapper who calls himself "the ghetto Bill Gates," defied the odds to become a hip-hop multimillionaire. Now P—using his birth name, Percy Miller-wants to perform in the NBA.

The 28-year-old Miller, a former junior college player, was to make his debut with the CBA's Fort Wayne Fury this Friday. The CBA, he says, "is a good way to get conditioned, to fine-tune my game and get set for the crossover." "When the NBA lockout ends, I'll be ready."

Miller, who hung up his mike earlier this year, parlayed a 1989 medical malpractice settlement of $10,000 into an empire that includes No Limit Records, the No. 1 label in rap; No Limit Sports Management—which handles NBA players including the Boston Celtics' Ron Mercer and the Cleveland Cavaliers' Derek Anderson; a film production company; a real estate firm; a clothing line; and a phone-sex company. Ranked 10th on the Forbes list of best-paid entertainers of 1997, he expects to earn $56 million this year.

"Anybody who gets in my way, I'll dunk on him," says Miller of his hoop dreams. "I went up on [Detroit Pistons forward Jerry] Stackhouse the other day. I'm a show-and-tell person, and it's time to turn on the lights." Yet his basketball resume isn't exactly glowing. Miller says he was a high school All-America who earned a scholarship to the University of Houston. In fact he seldom started for his New Orleans high school team, and Houston's 1985-86 media guide lists him as a walk-on. He found his way to Merritt College in Oakland, where—depending on whom you believe—he was a J.C. superstar or a part-timer. One thing is certain: At a recent charity exhibition in Houston that featured several NBA pros, he lit up listless defenders for 22 points.

"I've probably seen him play, but I can't remember his game," says Indiana Pacers general manager Donnie Walsh. "There are lots of guys who play pickup games with NBA players and think they can play in the league, but that's no reference point. The CBA will be a good gauge."

Question is, In the words of Master P's biggest hit, will Miller Make 'Em Say Uhh?