Rick Majerus will constantly get his comb stuck in his thick, wavy hair and have a terrible time putting on weight.
Allen Iverson will be David Stern's parole officer.
Earl Woods will be the eldest son of a father who takes a mulligan on his first three kids and then dedicates his life to his fourth.
Fluff will be a slender, blue-eyed trust-fund baby who never has to carry his own bag.
Richard Jewell will own The Atlanta Journal-Constitution.
Kerry Collins will be a 5'6", 135-pound high school quarterback who never gets to play but has tons of heart.
Barry Switzer will run an outlaw high school program, completing the outlaw coaching trifecta.
Deion Sanders will have such an unthinkable lack of rhythm and soul that his first attempt at an end zone celebration will bring a dozen paramedics rushing to his side.
Jeff Gordon will get the bumper car that's always stuck in reverse.
Reggie White will be a gay Hispanic living with 22 cousins in one house in Nogales, Ariz., who gets his Japanese wrist-TV stolen by a Native American who constantly sneaks up on him from behind.