O.J. Simpson won't get a next life but will have to keep on living with himself in this one.
George Steinbrenner will grow up in the lice-infested public-housing that was built where Yankee Stadium used to be.
Tara Lipinski will be a dad who sees his daughter only on CBS specials.
Bobby Cox will come back as a major league baseball manager.
All sports talk-show hosts will be bloated, mud-caked cows in Botswana, constantly plagued by gnats buzzing around their faces.
David Wells will come back as triplets.
Shaquille O'Neal will be a starving but talented Hollywood actor who keeps losing parts to wooden Lakers centers.
James Jordan will simply come back.
And, with any luck, Katarina Witt will come back as herself, because some things are worth another look.