The Blind Leading The Blind

1) Rewrite the pass interference rules. NFL officials don't know pass interference from right on red anymore. From now on, you bump a receiver, anytime, even in the parking lot, it's pass interference. Simple.

2) Dump NFL director of officiating Jerry Seeman. Ever since promoting Seeman in 1990 the league has gone through more bright-yellow laundry than La Cage aux Folks. Average penalty yards per game is up 25% since he took over. He's such a drill sergeant on midweek review (page 82) that shivering refs are throwing hankies at sneezes just to be on the safe side.

3) Get some leadership on the field. Seeman has his refs standing 12 to 14 yards behind the line of scrimmage, which is a wonderful place from which to heave your hankie but a lousy place to control a game involving 22 men, none of whom have been to a cotillion. Kansas City's Derrick Thomas was flagged for three personal fouls on one drive this season and wasn't thrown out. What does he have to do, start up the chain saw?

Look, officiating in the NFL during the 1990s isn't easy. Most of the time it's like standing on the side of a freeway trying to I.D. the vegetable stuck between the incisors of a woman in a passing Ferrari. Even if the league goes to younger refs (it should) and full-time refs (it should), the job will still be a bitch. Why, then, do we let every man, woman and child in America have instant replay except the people who need it most?