Nude yoga, a best-selling fitness video, makes the perfect stocking stuffer for the person with no stockings. According to the Internet book-, music- and videoseller amazon.com, where the tape is featured, customers who purchased Nude Yoga also bought Nude Tai Chi, Nude Personal Training and—last chance to avert your eyes—Nude Stretching. While Nude Pommel Horse is not yet available, everything else in this column is, and just in time for holiday gift-giving.
Take Fluff: Secrets to a Better Golf Score ($29.95), a video in which Tiger Woods's caddie imparts every piece of wisdom he has learned in a lifetime on the links. Get a nice balanced stance, feet shoulder-width apart, head still...now pick up the bag and start walking.
Book lovers will delight in The Wisdom of Harvey Penick ($26), the most recent in a long line of golf instructionals compiled largely from notes found on napkins in the ball pouch of Penick's practice bag. Remarkably prolific, Penick hasn't curtailed his output a bit, not even after that little setback three years ago, when he died of old age.
Who hasn't dreamed of having Macho Man Randy Savage on his or her laptop? And we cannot stress strongly enough here that by laptop we mean computer. With WCWN Nitro ($29.95), intended especially for portable computers, video gamers can travel with more than 60 professional wrestlers at any one time, narrowly breaking the old record, set by Madonna.
If it's more traditional games you like, try Rules of the Game! ($29.95), a kind of Trivial Pursuit for referees and other rule book wonks. With hundreds of questions on sports rules—lavish attention is given to the infield fly, as well as "loose impediments" in golf—this gift promises to put the "bored" back in "board games."
On the recently released NFL Country CD ($16.97), country music stars perform duets with professional football players, among them San Diego Chargers quarterback Ryan Leaf, Indianapolis Colts quarterback Peyton Manning and New York Giants defensive end Michael Strahan. Not surprisingly, most of these men couldn't carry a tune if you gave them a bucket...and the professional football players, alas, aren't much better.
So if it's country music you like, try Runnin' Wide Open ($9.97), an officially licensed NASCAR disc with such lyrics as "We scored an infield pass/And we all chipped in on gas." A wonderful companion is the video Sports Bloopers Country Style ($12.95), which points out the endless variety, the epic diversity—the sheer, staggering spectrum—of ways to get hit in the nuts. To fiddle music.
What to get the fan who has everything? That's easy: nothing. The trouble with nothing is, it ain't cheap. It's going to cost you. But, oh, how his or her face will light up when he or she receives...the NBA League Pass from DirecTV ($139).
Loaded down with books, videos, CDs and games of every description, you'll want to settle in and enjoy them. But how? The Green Bay Packers market a cheddar cheese-like stadium seat cushion made from molded foam rubber ($5.99). Or is it a foam rubber-like seat cushion made from molded cheddar cheese? Hard to say, to judge by the smell.
No, what you want instead is an inflatable armchair. It's the ideal gift for that someone special in your life, who—just a guess—also happens to be inflatable.