I'll take a few questions now. Yes?
Q: Is it true that last week you conned your way into a pickup game with Shaquille O'Neal, Antonio McDyess and other NBA stars?
Q: Which did it involve, cash payments or incriminating photographs?
A: Neither. It was just me and some of my homies—Shaq, Dice, the Wizards' Otis Thorpe, the 76ers' Mark Davis, former NBA standout Rodney McCray, guys like that.
Q: Is it true that you wore your geeky Ivy League glasses and test-pattern shorts? And your watch, for god's sake?
A: Only so the paramedics would be able to affix time of death.
Q: Why in the name of all that is good and decent in the world did they let you play?
A: Because I asked.
Q: You asked?