Do you know me? I admit I'm not a big name on the LPGA tour, but I am big. I thought about trying to get an endorsement deal with Rochester Big & Tall, but I don't know if I'm tall enough. Last week, at the U.S. Women's Open, I finished 12th, 12 strokes behind winner Juli Inkster. I made enough money to buy the perfect couch, the kind you melt into and don't get out of for a week. I'll put a refrigerator next to it so I won't miss any of my favorite show, South Park.
I've been eyeing the couch ever since last month at the Mercury Titleholders in Daytona Beach, where I tied for third and made enough money to get the 60-inch TV that I had wanted. It has nine pictures in one—just like The Brady Bunch. The TV and the couch will go perfectly in my new house in Madison, Wis.
My main home is the one I use when I'm on tour. Two years ago I skipped the British Open and played in and won the Betty Puskar Classic on the Futures tour (which p.o.'d some of the players there). I made $9,700. With that money I traded in my old car, bought a van and converted it into a luxury apartment on wheels. It's equipped with a full-sized bed, a TV, a VCR, a microwave and a refrigerator, which is filled with Coca-Cola and candy bars. I like all kinds of candy—if it is sweet, it's me. Almond Joy used to be my favorite, but now it's Kit Kat.
Three years ago I lost 50 pounds because I thought getting in better shape would lead to better golf, but I couldn't hit the ball 200 yards, and I would lose my balance and fall over. I had my worst year ever. That winter I gained the weight back, and I started playing well again. I don't care what people think of the way I look. Growing up in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, in Gladstone, I learned it's important to be yourself. I'm most comfortable in a huge, baggy T-shirt and a pair of $12.96 shorts from Wal-Mart.
When I was a kid, I didn't like golf. My dad paid me $50 a week to chip and putt for an hour a day. I'm thankful that he pushed me that way, and more thankful still that he hasn't asked for the money back. That's more dough for the new house.