Instead, Van de Velde hits a two-iron. A freaking two-iron! A two-iron is the worst idea since Lou Brock for Ernie Broglio!
Why, oh, why doesn't his caddie stop him? "Well, we talked about zis, but zee lie, it was just so parfait" says Christopher.
Zee lie, Chris? Zee lie? If I'm Chris, I say, "My, zat is a nice lie, iz eet not, Jean?" and throw everything but the wedge and the putter into the burn.
So les mis�rables hit a two-iron, and the ball sails two kilometers right, caroms off the grandstand and bounces back over the burn, into some heather high enough to lose Ian Woosnam in. Uh-oh.
"Jean was peezed," says Christopher. "He sayz to me, 'Why don't you make me hit wedge?' He says, 'On est trop gourmand!' ['You are a glutton!'] I theenk that he and I, we want too much show."
Now Van de Melt has the worst lie since "I did not have sex with that woman." He can barely see the ball. He hits it right into the wee burn.
So, laying three, the ball is sitting mostly under water, with the six-foot-high creek wall right in front of it, and, obviously, he's going to have to drop and—No!
No, no, no! Please tell us Van de Velde isn't taking off his shoes and socks, rolling up the legs of his pants and climbing into the wee burn to hit it. He is! He's going to play it out of the burn!
Why, oh, why doesn't his caddie stop him? "Well," says Christopher. "He wants to do zees, but zee wall, it iz very tall."
Van de Velde finally has a sudden growth spurt of brain cells and decides to drop instead—back into the haggis. This time, he easily hits it over the wee burn and straight into zee beach.