"For members, Sir Purcival, for members. For an Open, I suggest we make it a par 70. And during the month leading up to the Open, we'll keep the mowers in the shed. We favor knee-high rough. Gives a player a choice between a penalty stroke and a sprained wrist. If we intend to host a proper championship, we must crush the players' spirits before they tee off."
"Good thought. Now where is the 1st fairway?"
"You're standing on it, Sir Purcival."
"I thought this was a footpath."
"Well, actually, it is. But you'll notice how it widens so that down in the landing area there's room for a player and his caddie to walk side by side through the heavy gorse."
"That crater over there—ground under repair, eh? I imagine that's where one of the Jerries' bombs landed back in '41. Lots of those still around."
"That's not a crater, Sir Purcival, that's Hugh's Bunker. Been there since the Norman Conquest, and I don't mean Greg, heh, heh. Sorry. Legend has it that during a tournament in 1890, an innkeeper named Hugh Kirkladdy backed into it while trying to get a line on his putt. The fall killed him. It's said the greenkeeper simply dumped a load of sand on him, and play continued."
"Why is a flagstick on that knob over there?"
"The knob is part of the green, sir. All our greens have a few. Put the cup on one of them and it's drumkillebo, which is what we call triple bogey here at the club. There's one setting on the 18th green we call the Devil's Horn. Putts to the right break right. To the left break left. Short ones roll back. Get to the cup and the ball rolls over."
"In other words, a putt has to be just right."