New York Knicks center Patrick Ewing, who refused to sign autographs for seriously ill kids from the Starlight Children's Foundation at a Thanksgiving luncheon. "I don't sign on game days," Ewing explained. He was on the injured list at the time.
Denver police officers, who maced members of the Colorado State marching band as they stood in the Mile High Stadium stands trying to play the school fight song amid an unruly crowd. The police said they were worried the band was going to storm the field. Cover me, Fred, I'm goin' after the clarinetist.
Orlando Magic rookie Corey Maggette, who missed a game with an infected toe after a bad pedicure.
The Animal Protection Institute, which protested the fish-toss contest at games of the minor league Sacramento Steelheads. Contestants tossed a dead fish from a base line to second base, and closest to the bag won. When a head came off in one fan's hand, the API complained to the team. Uh, folks, one small detail: The fish were dead already! Where were you two days ago when they needed you?
Kevin Mitchell, former National League MVP, who was arrested on suspicion of hitting his father because Dad owed him rent. Kevin, as you smash through the window, remember, this will hurt us a lot more than it'll hurt you.
Cheryl Smith, wife of Missouri football coach Larry Smith, who stood on the sideline in the final quarter of Missouri's 66-0 loss to Kansas State berating her husband's players. Yo, Cheryl, much more of this and you're no longer Team Mom.
And, last, the Chuckie Chuckee we've saved for Chuckie to chuck himself, Bob Knight, Indiana basketball coach, who in October filled a friend with shotgun pellets while bird hunting. Knight said his finger slipped off the safety and hit the trigger.
Hey, Chuck, whatever you do, don't go to his shootaround.