What Will happen when the Boston Red Sox win the World Series? This is a very good question. A city, a state, an entire region—all of New England—has not only lived with failure for 82 years but also embraced it. How will the populace react?
Fathers have handed Red Sox failure to their sons as a birthright. Those sons have handed it to their sons. The Sox' failure is a fact of New England life, worn through the winter as if it were a good set of L.L. Bean long Johns, resistant to the cold and snow, an itchy constant, part of the promise that spring will bring a better time.
When the Red Sox win...well, that will change a few things, won't it?
The Day the Red Sox Win the World Series: The euphoria will be obvious. Half the babies in the greater Boston area born on this date will be named Nomar. The other half will be named Pedro. The girls among them will have to live with this.
Doris Kearns Goodwin, Concord, Mass., resident, author and historian, will appear on 27 different television shows on 27 different stations from a studio in suburban Watertown to say that this was a case of "man triumphing over original sin."
The anchorpeople from all the major networks will broadcast live from the riot in Kenmore Square, three blocks from Fenway Park. The crowd's chant, even though the Sox prevailed in the end over a National League team, will be " Yankees suck!" A dozen cars will be set on fire, all with New York license plates.
The cows in Bellows Falls, Vt., will increase their milk production by 150%.
Peter Gammons will cry on camera.
Church bells in every town and hamlet in New England will be struck 23 times at midnight in honor of righthander Pedro Martinez, who wears uniform number 23. Leftfielder Troy O'Leary will be named Honorary Irishman of the Year by the South Shore chapter of the Ancient Order of Hibernians. Centerfielder Carl Everett will be made an honorary citizen of the city of Everett, Mass. Bachelor first baseman Brian Daubach will receive 2,784 proposals of marriage.
A Harvard professor will find an analogy to the Red Sox' victory in Greek mythology. An MIT professor will describe the physics behind Nomar Garciaparra's swing, Pedro Martinez's fastball and general manager Dan Duquette's use of speed dialing to make trades. A professor from Bunker Hill Community College will say that what the Red Sox did was "way cool."