To: British Open tour group
From: Alan Shipnuck, Director
Re: Itinerary for St. Andrews
Below are the details of the action-packed week we have put together for you at the British Open. Remember, we're traveling to the Home of Golf, so let's be on our best behavior!
Assemble at Logan International Airport.
Depart on British Airways Flight 1776. We have arranged a special in-flight screening of The Patriot.
Bus leaves for day trip to Carnoustie. Egg McMuffins and keg onboard. Carnoustie is a long, difficult course, so we have imported motorized carts for your convenience. Be advised that the Scotch* (pronounced same as the single malt—ha ha!) play at a brisk pace. Please limit practice swings to six per hole, per player. Ditto cigar consumption.
Into the Bear Pit book signing, followed by a Q&A session with author Mark James. (Suggested topics to explore with Mr. James: Nick Faldo's contributions to European golf; the importance of rookies in the Ryder Cup; the sanctity of the team room.)
*The Scotch can be very reserved. Here's a possible conversational gambit: "So, who do you like this week, Paul Lawrie or Gordon Sherry?"