Immodest Proposals

"If God should bless us with a child—and should a court of law prove my paternity, and should I be served with a subpoena, and should you successfully enforce that court order—I promise to be the best father on Earth."
—Larry Johnson

"Marry me, and every night will be like this: prom night."
—Luis Polonia

"Will you wear this ice and be my ho, till one of us gets capped, so help you, Dog?"
—Allen Iverson

"Before you answer, I'd like to thank the good folks at Tiffany for providing me with this ring, all my friends over at the Men's Wearhouse who dressed me up real nice, and of course the entire team here at Le Petit Escargot, without whom this entire proposal would have been impossible."
—Bobby Labonte

"How would you like to be Mrs. Mutombo Mpolondo Mukamba Jean Jacque Wamutombo?"
—Dikembe Mutombo
Mpolondo Mukamba
Jean Jacque Wamutombo

"I'm not gonna tell you this again, sweetheart: To you, I'm Coach Knight or Mr. Knight. Now, what did you say your answer was?"
—Bob Knight

"So there's a slight age difference. But look at it this way: When you're a sophomore, I'll be a Senior."
—Nick Faldo

"Next!"
—Steve Garvey