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The Dice (and the Players) Are Loaded
Rick Reilly
December 04, 2000
Hey, kids, is America's hottest new board game on your holiday list? It's called Sorry! (NFL Edition), and it lets you live the life of a high-priced, irresponsible NFL megastar! Be the first in your posse to get it!
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December 04, 2000

The Dice (and The Players) Are Loaded

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Celebrate! Thanks to your new venture with ex-owner Eddie DeBartolo, you just opened your first offshore account! (Double bets, roll again)

Sorry! Your ultraviolent gangsta rap CD flops because cover accidentally has word spelled correctly. (Lose a turn)

At NFL inquiry, you mistake Paul Tagliabue for wooden hat rack and toss sable cape over his head. (Pay $100,000 fine)

You just understood something Dennis Miller said. (Go ahead two)

You just understood something Eric Dickerson said. (Go back four)

Grand jury wounders why you needed to pick up 50 bottles of cleaning lady's Vicodin prescription. (Call lawyer)

Good news! You're on NFL Pro Bowl ballot...(Go ahead two)

...Sorry! It's designed by Palm Beach County elections supervisor Therese LePore. (Go back two)

Turns out your cool new Chinese tattoo means I ENJOY SMALL FARM ANIMALS. (Lose two endorsements)

You hide body in trunk of car. Too bad it's your body. (Move in with lawyer)

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