1. "What do I have to shoot this week to win? Tiger Woods."
2. "Have I seen Tin Cup? I think I wrote the script."
3. "I'm obsessed with something I stink at."
4. "Guys bitch about everything out here. They even bitch about the ice cream."
5. "I would love to be cloned. One of me can play golf, the other can take care of the kids and my wife, and the third can do some acting. Perfect!"
6. "I can't believe how much the world has changed. The best rapper in the world is white, and the best golfer in the world is black."
7. "If it wasn't for the American tour, the Europeans would be packing groceries somewhere."
8. "I never worry about crowd control—unless my ex-wives are around."
9. "Where's Tonya Harding when you need her?"
10. "I'm playing as well as I've ever played—except for the years I played better."