What? you haven't seen Playboy.com's Choose America's Sexiest Sportscaster poll? Voters decide which of 10 women is the hottest sportscaster in America. So far, more than 150,000 fans have weighed in, and you can vote through Jan. 14. It's the most popular Internet poll Playboy has ever done—by an E cup. The winner (perhaps, Playboy says, the top three finishers) will be offered a nude pictorial in the magazine at a rumored $1 million.
Of course, it's stupid, sexist and unfair. An entire group of dedicated journalists are being trampled here: male sportscasters.
Why don't they get a crack at the million? It's not called the Sexiest Female Sportscaster poll, right? And it's not as if Playboy asked for Hannah Storm's or Melissa Stark's or anybody else's permission to use their names and photos next to cheesy thumbnails such as, "What we'd give to see Melissa starters." No, Playboy's editors just sat around in their silk pajamas, dreamed up the list and—voil�!—instant objectification.
Well, the plot just thickened, and I'm not talking about ESPN's Hank Goldberg. Mel Gibson isn't the only one who knows what women want. Cosmopolitan is starting its own poll for male sportscasters. (It just doesn't know it yet). Hey, gals, you make up one third of pro sports TV viewers. Wouldn't you love to see these 10 10s in nothing but a handheld and an earpiece?
? Chris Berman, ESPN C'mon, a lot of women go for full-figured men! If he wins, will he wear a loincloth or will...he...go...all...the...way? Hey, we all love Boomer, but considering some of the sport jackets he wears, maybe a nude pictorial isn't such a bad idea.
?Bill Macatee, CBS Women find this brunet "broodingly handsome," "hunky" and "outrageous." Plus, he used to be married to a Playmate of the Year, India Allen, so he already knows his way around a centerfold.
? Howie Long, Fox Three words: Totally. Nude. Claymation.
? Kenny Mayne, ESPN This former quarterback is practically begging to go the Full Monty. In one ESPN ad he admits, "The ladies find me sexy." In another he appeared bare-chested in a locker room. Has anybody on Playboy.com's list ever done that? And Kenny's up for our poll. "For equality purposes," he says, "I think this is the right thing to do."
?Nick Charles, CNN/SI The muscles in women's jaws tend to give out when this stud muffin hits the cathode-ray tube. I mean, if Playboy can turn CNN/SI colleague Inga Hammond into an involuntary sex symbol—she's described as "seductive" on the website—why not Slick Nick? "In that coat and tie," one woman gushed, "he looks like the BEFORE picture of a Chippendales dancer."
? Keith Olbermann, Fox Hey, a lot of women like the brainy type. And remember, Olbermann cowrote a book called The Big Show. Guess we'll see about that.