Hammertoes—Podiatric deformity afflicting Hank Aaron, caused by repeated circling of the bases.
Hepatitis X—Tattoo-needle-and nose-ring-borne infection commonly found in X-Games participants; also transmitted through physical contact with XFL cheerleaders.
Irritable vowel syndrome—Prevalent among Finnish hockey players; it causes NHL broadcasters to stumble on names such as Teppo Numminen and Janne Niinimaa.
Lime disease—Also known as coprolalia, or loud and involuntary obscene speech, it is primarily caused by drinking too many Coronas. (Possible explanation for Jimmy Buffett's recent ejection from a Miami Heat game.)
Mennengitis—Aversion to Speed Stick (and all other brands of deodorant) that is epidemic among sportswriters.
Nascarbuncles—Unsightly boils that appear on the buttocks of drivers and spectators, 200 laps into the Coca-Cola 600.
Pinkeye—Sufferers repeatedly—but incorrectly—pronounce the surname of jockey Laffit Pincay Jr.
Plulimia—Compulsion among Arizona Cardinals coaches to keep giving the ball to Jake Plummer, knowing full well he will cough it up.
Ringworm—Delusional psychosis that leads athletes to believe that their championship rings are tasteful.
Salmonella—Food poisoning found in some cannibals who have eaten Anaheim Angels slugger Tim Salmon. They find it hard to keep a good man down.