Josephine Palookas

Honestly, is there anything more thrilling than a manicurist brawling with a lawyer?

Meanwhile, real boxers such as lightweight Lucia Rijker—possibly the best woman fighter out there—sit pulling their hair out, waiting for their chance at recognition and money and national ad campaigns. ( Ali has two: Got Milk? and Dr. Pepper.) "I saw the [ TV Guide] cover, and I wanted to barf," says Rijker, who could whip a few men in the ring and could slap Ali down while wearing heels and a wedding gown. "You work really hard at something for years and years, and then somebody else gets it all thrown in her lap. That hurts."

Ali and Frazier are so shameless, they're openly trading on their fathers' heroic images. Smokin' Joe's daughter calls herself Sister Smoke. Laila, whose father liked to "float like a butterfly, sting like a bee," calls herself She Bee Stinging. Somewhere, Howard Cosell is biting his pitchfork.

"They're the greatest two names in boxing history," says welterweight champion Christy Martin, who has been in the game for 12 years and never headlined a pay-per-view fight. "Too bad the wrong people will be in the ring."

Personally, I'm going to the big handbag sale at Macy's. It'll be a better fight than this.