All games shall showcase the best of backyard football rules. Two "do-overs" will be permitted per team, all kick returns will be conducted "razzle-dazzle" style, and "suckers walk" shall be enforced after every touchdown. Additionally, Titans All-Pro pass rusher Jevon Kearse will be required to count, on every snap, to five Mississippi.
In gratitude for the aforementioned changes, football fans in each market shall be required to "give something back" to their local team. We'll start in Texas, where Dallas County taxpayers will pledge to pay for all future renovations, reconstructions or other capital improvements on Jerry Jones's face.
Now I'm ready for some football.