Since I'm not about to get within a par-5 of my mail, I'll take your questions directly. I'll start with Helen Thomas.
Isn't it true that way back in March you said Michael Jordan was going to come back? You must feel good about that, considering all the crap you took.
Actually, when I said Jordan was going to make a comeback, I meant baseball. Next question. Mr. Donaldson.
The Washington Wizards' front office reports that 4% of the Wizards' season-ticket holders gave up their seats for this season, most of them not believing Jordan was really going to do it. What do you guess those people are thinking now?
They're thinking, How can I close my head in this oven? Next. Barbara Walters.
How good will Jordan be?
Very good. At times you won't be able to slide a slice of pizza under his shoes when he jumps, but he's still Michael Freaking Jordan. He'll be one of the top 10 players in the league, he'll average about 24 points a game, and three times a night he'll give you XL goose bumps because a) he's got the best three of his life; b) he'll be able to get it off against the new zone defenses; and c) who's he going to pass to, Tyrone Nesby? Next. Mr. Cronkite.
Can Jordan take the Wizards to the next level?
Definitely. Unfortunately that new level is Dreadful, just up from Suck. Mr. Blitzer?
Is it true that the day after you wrote about Jordan's comeback, his own agent, David Folk, called and said, "Somebody's lying to you"? Who was he talking about?