In Order Of Importance

Feeling listless? Boy, did you come to the right place.

Questions Actually Fielded by Sports Publicists

1. Where is the hockey ice stored when the Lakers play at Staples Center?
2. Why does the U.S. always leave Greg Norman off its Ryder Cup team?
3. Which horse was a back-to-back winner of the Kentucky Derby?
4. Who's scheduled to play in the Final Four next April?
5. Can you tell me the name of Ken Griffey Jr.'s father?

Noise the U.S. Should Blare Through Huge Speakers until Osama Bin Laden Comes Sprinting Out, Begging for It to Stop

1. Sound effects from a Fox football telecast
2. USC's fight song
3. Who Let the Dogs Out?
4. Dick Vitale one minute before a Duke-North Carolina tip-off
5. YMCA

Fun Facts to Trade and Collect

1. Jack Nicklaus never graduated from college
2. It was nearly 43 years before Charlie Brown hit a home run (March 30, 1993)
3. Pittsburgh is the only city in America that has at least three major sports teams all wearing the same colors—black and gold

Signs That You May Be Too into Sports

1. Asking the barber if he could do your hair in the style of Mel Kiper Jr.
2. Wearing a green jacket inside the replica of Augusta National's Butler Cabin that you've built in your basement
3. Referring to your Johnson as " Magic"

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