The Crying Game

There's no crying in sports. Unless you're a retiring athlete. Or you're being inducted into a hall of fame. Or you just lost a playoff game. O.K., so there's lots of crying in sports. In the last week alone Jason Giambi got misty-eyed while donning his new Yankees jersey, and Nuggets coach Dan Issel choked up while apologizing for shouting an ethnic slur at a fan. Here's a look at some of this year's notable weepers, along with a rating of how justified their tears were, on a scale of 1 to 5 crybabies.

Ray Bourque, former NHL defenseman Teary moments: When he hoisted the Stanley Cup for the first time in his 22-year career on June 9; when he announced his retirement, on June 26; when the Bruins retired his jersey, on Oct. 4; when the Avalanche played a video of his career highlights, on Nov. 24. Rating: We can understand the Stanley Cup moment—but after a jumbo-screen video? (4 crybabies)

Matt Doherty, North Carolina hoops coach Teary moments: After the Tar Heels beat Wake Forest on a last-second shot on Jan. 6; after they lost to Penn State in the second round of the NCAAs. ("It was a frustrating game," lamented Doherty.) Rating: Deano never bawled like this. (5 crybabies)

Barry Bonds, Giants outfielder Teary moment: At the press conference following his record-breaking 71st homer. Rating: The stress of the chase caused Roger Maris to lose his hair in clumps, so we won't begrudge Bonds a few tears, (1 crybaby)

Troy Aikman, former Cowboys quarterback Teary moments: Several times during his April retirement press conference. (Much of his speech was inaudible due to his blubbering.) Rating: Three Super Bowls, countless millions, and you get to retire at 34? We do not feel your pain. (3 crybabies)

Dick Vermeil, Chiefs coach Teary moments: When he was introduced as the Kansas City coach in January; after the Chiefs defeated the Broncos in overtime on Sunday. ("Excuse me," he said, trying to regain his composure. "I'm proud of these guys.") Rating: Here we go again: Two years ago, as coach of the Rams, he wept seemingly nonstop through St. Louis's Super Bowl season. (5 crybabies)