I Sincerely Regret Not Taking Into Account Wake Forest
North Carolina basketball coach Matt Doherty wrote a formal letter of apology after he was overheard shouting in a huddle at Cameron Indoor Stadium: " Duke still has the ugliest cheerleaders in the ACC."
Which Is Why All My Juries Are Hung
The daughters of deceased Brazilian soccer star Garrincha sued a biographer who claimed that their father was a "sex machine" with a 9.8-inch penis. Judge Joao Wehbi Dib dismissed the suit, saying, "Having a big penis is a reason for pride in this country."
And Speaking of Big Units
In a spring training game Randy Johnson threw a fastball that hit a dove, which exploded and fell to earth in a hail of white feathers.
He's Now Playing H-Back
Former NFL quarterback Todd Marinovich was arrested for heroin possession.
New, from Hershey's—with Or Without Nuts
Dennis Rodman was cited for speeding on his 47-foot pleasure boat, Sexual Chocolate.