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Rotisserie Roast
Rick Reilly
April 22, 2002
You smell like a goat. You're unshaven. You work endless hours in dimly lit caves. You speak a language understood only by others of your kind. You fear women and put prices on men's heads. And legions of enemies long to destroy you.
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April 22, 2002

Rotisserie Roast

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You communicate constantly with people named JockItch and BallparkFrank—though you've never met them.

You are more excited about minor league prospects than dating prospects.

You take a second job in order to buy John Smoltz.

Your wife leaves you in May for her lambada instructor, and you don't notice until the All-Star break.

You realize that the real fantasy is that you have a life.

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