Kornheiser digs out another clam. In fact the only reason he is at the Palm is that it's in Washington and he could have gotten there by sedan chair. Wilbon has two million frequent-flier miles. Kornheiser has two million Valium. Once forced to chauffeur his partner to the train station in Chicago when Kornheiser refused to go to the airport, Wilbon says, "It was like Driving Miss Daisy?
Topic No. 3: What Is a Sport?
"Figure skating is not a sport," says Wilbon.
Kornheiser: "A sport is, you get to the end and you know who the winner is and you don't have to wait for somebody to hold up a card! The ultimate sport is eight guys"—he hesitates, overcome by a moment of political correctness—"or eight women running in lanes, and the first one to cross the finish line wins. Everything is downhill from there. For example, soccer ends on penalty kicks! It's not a sport!"
Topic No. 4: Boxing Groupies
" Lennox Lewis's girlfriend," says Wilbon, "is one of the most stunning women I've ever seen. I stared at her for an hour.... Rockers, rappers, fighters, actors. It's all the same. It's guys with juice. That's all it is. It's access—and fame and money bring you access. That's why these women are with the guys they're with. Money and access. Why else? They don't like them. I've covered sports enough to know. Why does a woman who had a medical degree marry Mike Tyson? We know why. I'm very jaded."
Topic No. 5: The Strike and Steroids
"I secretly want them to have [a work stoppage]," says Wilbon. "I want baseball to be hit hard. I want baseball to hurt enough. Because baseball is the most arrogant and presumptuous of professional sports."
Kornheiser: "I couldn't disagree more. That's simply insane! I don't think baseball is any different than any other sport in how it views itself. I don't want to see any sport particularly hurt. You like David Stern. You like Paul Tagliabue. You don't like Bud Selig. You hate the Orioles."
Wilbon: "I believe baseball should test for steroids."
"The only thing that matters in sports," says Kornheiser, "is continuity. So you can go back and say, 'Who won in 1945?' When you tell me that 73 [home runs] doesn't count because that guy was on steroids, I lose interest. Baseball likes home runs. They want better performances."