Let's move this along. I have less than two weeks left to get an undeclared gift for Chris Webber's father.
NFL ENTERS WILD STRETCH RUN
Dan Reeves has finally adjusted to Michael Vick's reckless style of play. He now stands on the sideline, hooked up to a Zocor IV drip.
Houston's Reliant Stadium has an on-site jail. Go ahead and laugh, but it may be the closest thing to protection David Carr gets all year.
Panthers defensive end Julius Peppers was suspended for the rest of the season for violating the league's substance abuse policy. He's not allowed to participate in contact drills, other than film session fights with Steve Smith.
Smith was suspended for a game after breaking a teammate's nose during a film session. Apparently the guy wouldn't shut up, and Smith couldn't hear half the things Adam Sandler was saying.
Colts WR Marvin Harrison is on pace for 145 receptions, which would obliterate the league record. In a related story, Randy Moss has a streak of 45 consecutive games with at least one complaint.
JIM THOME GETS HIS PHIL
The All-Star first baseman left the Indians to sign a six-year, $85 million deal with the Phillies. It sounds like a lot, but he has to pay medical insurance for the Phanatic.
The Mets won the Tom Glavine Sweepstakes. All that's left is the press conference at which he announces his sexuality.