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The Pampered Camper
February 18, 2003
Not-so-rustic pleasures at the Seven Lakes Lodge
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February 18, 2003

The Pampered Camper

Not-so-rustic pleasures at the Seven Lakes Lodge

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TUESDAY
Dear Mom and Dad,
Just arrived at camp, and I hate it! Had to fly an hour in a 30-seat prop plane from Denver, and then there was a two-hour drive from Grand Junction. They call this place Seven Lakes Lodge, but it should be Middle of Nowhere Hell. Where's the McDonald's? Where's my Maxim?

WEDNESDAY
Dear Mom and Dad,
I guess camp's not that bad. This morning I went for a walk, and except for the countless antler chandeliers, this place is phat! The lodge I'm in smells like maple syrup, and there's a wicked view of mountains and trees and trails. They've got an exercise room, tons of books, a fireplace and a big ol' deer head on the wall. (I've named him Stan, after you, Dad.) Last year at camp we had arts and crafts classes, and there were 22 of us at a time. Here, they've got fly-fishing, horseback riding, mountain biking, nature hikes—and an expert comes along to teach you. And they're cool dudes, like cowboys, but with cellphones. Oooops—gotta go! Will write more later.

WEDNESDAY NIGHT
Dear Mom and Dad,
Holy cow! A few minutes after I wrote my last letter, I went fly-fishing, and guess what? I caught a 22-inch rainbow trout! (I've named him Stan, after you, Dad.) Wade Shults, who's been fishing for more than two decades, taught me how to cast and recast and fool the fish. I stood in the middle of the river in my waders, the sun glistening off the water. It was sooooooo cool. The only bad part was Stan. I felt bad for him, so we took a picture, let him go (there's a strict catch-and-release policy here) and packed up our stuff.

Believe it or not, the day got better. As soon as Stan swam off, another cowboy showed up with horses! For the next two hours we rode through the mountains, past deer and chipmunks and even wild turkeys. Greg Jerzerian's birthday party. On the downside, the cowboy's horse had a gas issue. (I've named him Stan, after you, Dad.) Anyway, it's time for dinner. I'll write soon.

THURSDAY
Dear Mom and Dad,
Dinner last night made Aunt Ruth's pot roast taste like moldy carpet. The chef prepared a roasted duck with a wild mushroom risotto! During dinner I got to meet some of the other campers. SPORTS ILLUSTRATED is here with their swimsuit crew, so the other kids in my cabin are hair stylists, makeup artists and a model. You'd really like Molly, Mom. She's a nice Christian girl who loves Shirley Temples and long walks on the beach, and she looks great topless. At night we all sit around our table in the dining room, talking over the day's events and drinking, uh...soda. It's great.

FRIDAY
Dear Mom and Dad,
This is my final day at Seven Lakes, and I was wondering if you'd consider letting me move here. They say with, oh, seven million more hours in the water, I just might make a pretty bad fly-fishing guide.
Love, Jeff Pearlman

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