But think of all the pressure on the guys! Most of them are just slightly right of Pat Robertson—in an SI poll of 75 PGA Tour players, 68% of them said women should not be allowed to play on the men's tour—so finishing behind a filly will be like wearing a HILLARY FOR PRESIDENT button the rest of their lives.
The other day someone asked Mickelson where he thought you'd finish in the Colonial, and he said, "Maybe 20th." And where might he finish? "Hopefully 19th or better."
Guys are going to start dodging the Colonial like the draft. "I'd love to play her," says Darren Clarke, "[pause] if I were playing Colonial, [pause] which, fortunately, I'm not."
The men are already talking about what the penalty will be for losing to you. Wear Jesper's pants for a month? Play a pink ball? Go on the pill? Says Tour journeyman Brad Lardon, "We're talking hygiene products in your locker."
Colonial is going to treat you like a goddess. They don't want Martha Burk on line 2, so you're going to get the courtesy Cadillac, the best digs and privileges in the players-only dining room. Plus, you'll have the women's locker room all to yourself. All Oprah, all the time.
But please don't ask to wear shorts, even though it's allowed on the LPGA tour. We know you like to play in them, but the men never get to. You could force the issue, I suppose. CBS would let you wear a HazMat suit if it would get you out there, but I'm begging here. None of us want to see Craig Stadler's thighs.
On the LPGA tour the women gently nudge them out of their putting line. The men just crush 'em. No matter what they say, remember: They'd love to do the same to you.