If Bonds still doesn't see a strike in an entire game, the opposing manager must dress like Cher for a week.
No more phantom tags either. Does Allen Iverson get two points for an air ball?
A reliever doesn't get a save if the lead wasn't in peril. If the tying run never came to the plate, there's no save—but he can be first to the postgame chow.
Big news: We're not just putting in a salary cap, we're putting in a salary floor. For every $1 million a team is outside that range, it will be fined $1 million.
As further incentive, any fan with a ticket to an August game in which both teams are already eliminated from playoff contention gets his money back.
Oh, and if the name of a ballpark changes more than once in 10 years, the fans take over naming rights. Then, if an owner ends up with Creatine Yard, it's his fault.
Speaking of which, real drug testing starts today. If a player's helmet size has increased lately and his chin has started to look like Jay Leno's, he'd better think about a wrestling deal.
We have to speed up the game. Baseball is about as fast-paced and thrilling as an Amish prom. So, from now on....
a) Hitters can't leave the batter's box. Penalty: automatic strike. There is no reason for Jason Giambi to step out and adjust his gloves, jersey, hat, belt or cup after a ball. Yet he does it every time. "I don't even know why," he admits. "It's just habit." It won't be when he starts every at bat 0 and 2.
b) Pitchers can't wander off the mound. Penalty: automatic ball. Sorry, pitchers won't be able to circle the mound after every pitch like they're performing Hamlet.