Before we begin—if you don't like any of these jokes, my caddie chose them.
FAN GOES AFTER UMP
A man jumped onto the field during a White Sox-Royals game and tried to tackle the first base umpire. Here's the good news: He wasn't shirtless.
And you know what's really sad? This whole thing could have been easily avoided if Geraldo hadn't given away the umpire's exact location.
The man was charged with aggravated battery. I feel so foolish. I thought "aggravated battery" meant someone catching Rick Ankiel.
In response to the incident, the White Sox have upgraded security. From now on, fans have to run through a metal detector before going onto the field.
In other baseball news, the Angels may be sold to Mexican-American multimillionaire Arturo Moreno. The deal needs to be approved by 23 owners and the Rally Monkey's accountant.
According to Forbes the Yankees are worth $849 million. And that figure jumps to more than $850 million once David Wells returns his empties.
Curt Schilling had an appendectomy. He's expected to miss one start, and after that he'll be on a strict stitch count.
Dusty Baker seems very comfortable in his new job as the Cubs' manager. Meanwhile Dusty's four-year-old son, Darren, no longer allowed to be a batboy, is still getting adjusted to his new job in a Nike shoe factory.