Why Daddy Can't Write

HER: How long does it take you to write a column?

ME: About two hours.

HER: And you only have to do one a week?

ME: Yes.

HER: Cool! What do you do with all the rest of the time?

ME: Worry about those two hours.

After about an hour of that, she was going out of her teenage mind, so I let her wade into a giant box of unopened mail.

HER: Why do all these Barry Bonds fans cut little letters out of magazines and make sentences out of them?

ME: I guess they get to do a lot of arts and crafts at the mental health center.

HER: What does this mean, "If I ever see you, run"?