Beane Counter

"He's a cocky guy," says Matt Keough, who is arguing on the pitcher's behalf. "He'd shove it up your ass. And taunt you. So you hate the guy. He's had a couple of ejections."

"But no drugs?" asks Eric.

"No drugs," says Matty, then thinks about it. "There are rumors of some hash."

An old scout laughs. "Corned beef hash?"

"It's unsubstantiated," Matty protests.

"Where there's smoke, there's fire" says another old scout.

Eric looks up. "Is he the guy who was selling wacky tobacky in high school?"

"Hell," says Matty, genuinely indignant. "That was three years ago!"

Everyone groans. "Put a Milo on him," says Eric, and spits tobacco juice.

A power-hitting outfielder: