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Bill Scheft
June 23, 2003
Help me out here. Who do I call to get Roger Clemens's family to stop following me around?
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June 23, 2003

The Show

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Bob DuPuy reduced the suspension because he believed Sosa's explanation about picking up the wrong bat by accident. Why can't the IRS send a guy like this to audit me?

Last week Bill Clinton called Sosa and told him to "hang in there." And then urged him to get all his bats dry-cleaned.

The incident may cost Sammy millions in off-the-field earnings. Fortunately, he just got a new endorsement: "Cork: The other white meat."

Elsewhere the Yankees were no-hit by six different Astros pitchers. By the seventh inning a desperate George Steinbrenner hired three steroid vendors.

And the Mets promoted pitcher Jason Roach from Triple A. Roach turned up at Shea Stadium in Tony Tarasco's glove compartment.


Jason Kidd had strong stats in the Game 6 loss in San Antonio. And that was after being out all night with a local real estate agent.

The Nets got permission to wear their ABA retro jerseys for Game 5. And it would have been great, except for the Tim Duncan matchup with Billy Paultz.

As the series wore on, the New Jersey fast break really slowed down. Come on. Martin Brodeur moved faster in the Stanley Cup handshake line.

In other NBA news Kobe Bryant underwent surgery for a torn labrum. He injured his shoulder trying to suddenly grasp the logic behind LeBron's $90 million shoe deal.

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