8. "Do you realize," says Tour pro Tom Lehman, "that if your ball is hanging on the lip of the hole, you only have 10 seconds to putt it in [16-2]? Sometimes, you can even see it rolling forward, but you have to putt it in 10 seconds, or it's one shot [penalty]. So they're telling you to hit a ball that's moving, which is also illegal."
9. You make a hole in one. You find that the ball is trapped between the flagstick and the edge of the hole, but it's not in the bottom of the cup. Jubilant, you pull the ball out and kiss it. Too bad that you've actually made a 3: one, the shot; two, a one-stroke penalty for picking up the ball; three, you have to place the ball on the lip of the hole and putt out (17-4/1). You remove the laces from your golf shoes and hang yourself.
10. The whole rule book is just dumber than Elimidate. Having to hit out of a divot in the middle of a fairway is the "worst rule in golf [13-1]," says Tiger Woods. And do you realize you can get 100 members of the gallery to move a 2,000-pound rock off a green (23-1/3), but you can't shake the water off the branch of a tree before hitting (13-2/23)?
Meanwhile, the rule that's killing golf goes ignored. That's the one that's supposed to keep the distance of the ball down (Appendix III/5). Golf's out-of-control equipment companies have so juiced the balls that our best courses—Pebble Beach, Pine Valley, Merion—are obsolete, not long enough for major tournaments now. Did you know that guys like Curtis were hitting driver, sand wedge to the par-5 7th hole on Sunday?
Someday the lumps of dandruff who run golf are going to realize they're worrying about spiders while elephants are stomping the game flat.