Strange name, Micheel. But look at the bright side. Alphabetically, it's the closest Phil Mickelson's come to winning a major.
Oak Hill was a tough layout. Tiger Woods lost three excuses in the rough.
Poor Tiger. He dropped so far out of contention in Rochester, for the fourth round he was paired with two marketing executives from Kodak.
Woods tried everything. Before Saturday's round he replaced his Titleist driver with a Nike scythe.
RAFAEL PALMEIRO REJECTS POSSIBLE TRADE TO THE CUBS
Apparently the deal fell apart when team officials weren't willing to re-nickname Wrigley Field the Viagra-Friendly Confines.
In other baseball news, last week President Clinton paid a surprise visit to Barry Bonds at Shea. Clinton and Barry have a lot in common. They both go for days now without getting a chance to swing.
NFL LIFTS BAN ON PHARMACEUTICAL ADVERTISING
So, figure $20 million and Eli Lilly can get the Dolphins to make their star linebacker change his name to Prozac Thomas.
In a related story, the FDA has approved the Baltimore Ravens' offense as an over-the-counter sleeping aid.