The Show

The findings have a margin of error of plus/minus two Cansecos.

Dick Pound, chairman of the World Anti-Doping Agency, called baseball's policy on steroids a "complete joke." I don't want to nitpick, but if you're the head of the World Anti-Doping Agency, shouldn't you change your name to Dick Kilo?

All major leaguers will now be subject to testing completely random and arbitrary. Sounds like a job for QuesTec.

Here's the new punishment system: First offense, you must undergo treatment. Second offense, 15-day suspension and $10,000 fine. Third offense, special guest appearance on ESPN's Playmakers.

GREEK GOVERNMENT GIVES PROSTITUTES GO-AHEAD TO WORK DURING NEXT YEARS OLYMPICS

O.K., now that that's out of the way, we can get down to the minor stuff—like building the venues.

The prostitutes are ready. They've ordered condoms in the colors of the Olympic rings.

You know what's great about prostitutes at the Olympics? No matter what nation you're from, they let you finish first.

In other Olympic news, transsexuals will be allowed to compete in the Games. But only in pairs skating.

BENGALS MAKE CHIEFS PAST PERFECT