After forging a historic tie at the Presidents Cup, Tiger Woods proposed to his girlfriend, Elin Nordegren, a former nanny for Jesper Parnevik's family, while on safari in South Africa. Since his IMG agent, Mark Steinberg, micromanages Tiger's image, he might be the best choice for a wedding planner as well. If so, their correspondence might look something like this.
From the Desk of Tiger Woods
RE: Early wedding thoughts
We don't even have a date yet, but people are already calling our nuptials the social event of the century on the PGA Tour. E and I want to keep it small, and since you're so good at keeping people away from me, I need your thoughts on restricting the guest list. Should we invite only major champions? Would it be better to use the career money list from the Target World Challenge? Thoughts?
I already know who's not going to be invited: Adrian Gardiner of the Shamwari Game Reserve; Vijay; Finchem; Fluff; my ex agent, Hughes Norton; that guy who wrote the GQ story on me—Charles Pierce—and Ed Fiori, the shrimp who beat me. We also need a flower girl; do you think it's O.K. to ask Sophia Mickelson but not invite her dad?
About the bachelor party in Vegas, please call Tommy Armour 111 for recommendations.
For the groomsmen's gifts, there are always those Nike drivers in my attic. I won't need them.
Best man is a sticky situation. Can't do Pops because the toast would last forever. I'm thinking Stevie, but ever since he talked me into hitting driver on the 3rd hole on Sunday at the Masters, I've been giving him a wide berth. What do you think of Bryon Bell? He's good at filling in for caddies. Or is Jack more appropriate?
We're debating honeymoon destinations—are there any Caribbean tournaments with appearance fees?
Got your long e-mail on the prenup. Only one question: In the event of divorce do you still get 15% of E's share?