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TOO TRUE To Be Good
Steve Rushin
December 29, 2003
All year our resident Santa has been making his list and checking it twice, and now he's found out who's been naughty...and who's been wildly—and ridiculously—off-base
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December 29, 2003

Too True To Be Good

All year our resident Santa has been making his list and checking it twice, and now he's found out who's been naughty...and who's been wildly—and ridiculously—off-base

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IT'S A BIG WORLD AFTER ALL
Told that the Dodgers executive's ancestors came from China, Singer replied, "Which country in China?"

BUT THEY'RE STILL ENTITLED TO FREE BALL-WASHING
Boston mayor Thomas Menino halted a long-standing city program that offered free golf to local ministers.

BUT I WOULDN'T MIND A LITTLE BIT OF THAT COMPLIMENTARY BALL-WASHING....
Contemplating a fight in the Japanese sport of K-1—a combination of karate, kung fu, kickboxing and taekwondo—Mike Tyson said, "I don't really feel like getting kicked in the head, you know?"

HOWEVER, I DID ONCE THREATEN TO EAT THE CHILDREN OF AN ENGLISH-CANADIAN-JAMAICAN DUDE
Tyson added, "I got nothing against Japan. Japan has always been respectful and courteous to me, and I've always been respectful and courteous to Japan."

WHAT MAKES SCOTLAND TIC?
Before their Rugby World Cup match against France, Scottish players twitched violently while the national anthems were played, in homage to suspended flanker Martin Leslie, who has a violent twitch.

HE ONLY WATCHES NASCAR TO SEE COMPUTERS CRASH
Stock car fan Michael Melo pleaded guilty to a federal misdemeanor charge of damage to a protected computer system for sending more than half a million e-mails to the Fox affiliate in Boston after a Red Sox game preempted a NASCAR race.

BASICALLY, WE JUST WANT OUR JEWELS BACK
Jim Harrick Sr. and Jim Harrick Jr., who both left their jobs as basketball coaches after numerous charges of improprieties at Georgia came out, have requested a "name-clearing" hearing, alleging that the university robbed the pair of "the jewels of their souls."

YET ANOTHER MAN NO LONGER IN POSSESSION OF HIS JEWELS
A former media relations assistant for the Sacramento Kings filed a wrongful-firing suit against the team—which is being vigorously contested—claiming that the wife of Kings guard Doug Christie pressured management into firing her for allegedly flirting with Christie while she was informing the player that he had a phone message.

HE'S JUST LOOKING FOR A STABLE RELATIONSHIP
According to the Bigfork ( Mont.) Eagle a naked man was discovered in flagrante delicto with a stabled horse near Echo Lake, the second time the horse had been molested in a matter of days. "He left his boots and a bottle of hand lotion behind," said Flathead County sheriff Jim Dupont. "It appears we have a serial horse rapist."

HAVE WE GOT THE GUY FOR YOU
Jacquelyn Allen-MacGregor was sentenced to four years in prison for stealing more than $2 million from her employer, the United Way charity, to buy show horses. She told the judge, "I do believe that I'm obsessed with horses."

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